That Time I Went Kayaking and Did Not Die!

Hi,

….sssoooo….this past weekend entailed a bit of an……adventure…..

Namely, I was kayaking at sea and let me put it like this; kayaking at sea is very much OUTSIDE my comfort level.

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….for a few reasons….

– There are waves. The sea is FULL of unpredictable waves. Why go kayaking on these waves when you can sit home and, I don’t know, eat and binge watch Teen Mom 2?!

…like who would not watch Jenelle choose a concert over “not going to jail” instead of kayaking? Probably 95% of the worlds population if you ask me.

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– The sea has CREATURES like…you know…jellyfish. They make me uncomfortable. One time I ran away from a jellyfish which resulted in me cutting my fot. Still do not regret the decision of “running away from a jellyfish”. I have a big scar under my foot and every time I look at it I don’t think “that’s a bad scar” – no – I definitely think “GOOOD CHOICE Tina, GOOD CHOICE RUNNING AWAY FROM THAT JELLYFISH!!!!”

– I have a bad history with boats similar to a Kayak. Basically I was in “Chinas Hawaii” and me, my boyfriend and another guy tried to transport us and two coconuts on a little boat. My boyfriend told me to sit still otherwise the boat would sink. I didn’t sit still. The boat sank.

…and then my boyfriend told me to try to be still again. I didn’t and the boat sank again.

Anyways. I thought I guide you through this little adventure. Hour by hour. Minute by minute.

09:51: On the train taking me to a place somewhere in the south of Sweden where they supposedly have sea and kayaks.

11:00: Arrived to a city where they have sea – but no kayaks. Basically waiting for a bus. I’m about 90% anxiety.

11:05: Try to still my anxiety by eating a snack. Doesn’t work.

11:06: Asks my friend Jenny to take a picture with me and my snack since eating will apparently not lower my anxiety. Maybe if I see that I look cute my anxiety might go down to like 80%???!!!

11:07: I see the picture of me and my snack. I look like I want to pose for my snack while at the same time cry. My anxiety rises to 95%.

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11:30: TIME TO GO ON A BUS!!! Looking out on the beautiful scenery (not pictured in the blog, sorry) that I forgot I am going kayaking at sea.

12:30: Arrive. I see the Kayaks. My stomach turns. Tries to stay positive, not cry, etc.

13:10: OMG I am IN a kayak. I repeat I am in a kayak.

13:11: Still in the kayak. No waves. Life is awesome! I am soooo happy there is no waves!

13:15: Getting out of the dock. Realize that there ARE waves… like… LOTS…of them. Also realizing that the only reason to why there were no waves before was because I was in the dock. Not in the actual open sea.

13:00-15:oo: …waves….waves…waves…jellyfish…jellyfish…jellyfish…fml….fml….fml….

15:10: Time for a snack. Thank you lord. Posed for a picture.

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16:00: Time to get out on the sea again. All we have to do is to kind of get in the boat while balancing on stones that are super slippery (pictured above). Piece of cake if you are like a flexible person. Thinking to myself that I am known for being “smidig som ett kylskåp” which can pretty much be translated to “flexible as a fridge”, that is, not flexible at all.

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16:05: Getting into the boat! Somehow survived getting onto the boat. Lets just hope there is no wave hitting our little kayak before we get out on the open sea.

16:06: ….a wave is coming… I REPEAT…a wave is coming

16:07: The wave (which was coming at 16:06) hits the boat so it almost rolls over to the other side. The boat gets filled with water.

16:08: Somehow we get away from the stones and the shoreline without another wave hitting the boat. I am alive! Just a little bit of water in the boat BUT I am alive. Feel an instant gratefulness inside (together with 95% anxiety).

16:10: The kayak is still floating! Yay!

16:11: My kayaking partner asks me to take out the plugs in the kayak so we can get water off the boat. All I can think about is that boats should not have holes in them. Boats are NOT supposed to have holes in them. Especially when at sea. Just look at the Titantic; it had a hole and that did NOT and well. Just saying.

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16:12: At this time I apparently had a death wish as a I DID take out a plug. Basically making the kayak have a hole in it.

..and…the water….disappeared?!

16:15: Realizing I’m alive even though our boat got hit by a wave at the shoreline…and that the boat somehow gets rid of water by having holes in them??!!! Takes a mental note to google that when home.

16:20-18:00: Still kayaking. Down to like 15% anxiety. Basically I stopped caring about the waves and the jellyfish after the whole drama which went down between 16:07-16:08. Even posed for pictures.

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18:01: ON DRY LAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (have no picture here but basically what I did was smile and eat).

…sssoooo…I think we are done here. I hope you enjoyed this little post.

Go try new things like kayaking on the sea. Or don’t and watch Teen Mom 2…idk*.

*toodles*

Girl Who Write Things (and also goes kayaking at sea)

*I dont know

As Seen On TV Products That Are AH-mazing!

Hello!

Its time for another blog post! Two days ago I focused on the things in life I missed (my boyfriend) but today I will focus on the things I can gain! And its time to show the world the true independent woman that I am.

I contemplated how I would reach the state of being the independent woman that I am, and the first thing that popped into my mind was to think of a time where I was suuuuperhappy and try to re-live that moment. 

…and then I remember one time. I think this was one of my trips to New York,  I was in a mall and noticed a store. But not just any store. It was a…

….AS SEEN ON TV STORE!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I mean every single product in that store is scientifically proven to make you happy…and rich…and before you know it you are best friends with Taylor Swift. You know. Attainable things. I swear, it was one of the most happiest 15 minutes of my life.

…so…naturally to begin my independent-woman-adventure I decided to browse the actual As Seen On TV – online store, to see if it generated a similar effect. And OMG did it work its magic.

Here are some favorites:

1 Second Slicer


Why I want it in my life: …….look at it…ONE second to dice all your favorite veggies! Think of all the veggies I can dice in no time at all. There are so many. Also the 1 Second Slicer has this thing called “G-Nox Quality”.

…honestly I do not know what that is about but I am SURE it means that it has some good quality that probably lasts for years, maybe lifetimes even. For all I know the world can be doomed but the 1 Second Slicer will always be as effective in cutting vegetables in just one second.

3 way Poncho


Why it holds the key to my happiness:…ITS A PONCHO THAT GOES THREE WAYS?! Seriously. I can be casual, professional and sexy in the blink of an eye! One minute I am suuuper professional at work, another minute I have a date night with my boyfriend. This would not be possible without the three way poncho. Everybody can see that, everybody.

Also I love the introduction of the commercial. Basically it starts with women saying “I love my three way…..and I LOVE my three way….

…and then suddenly Suzanne Somers comes in and like “….the three way poncho that is …*blink*”.

I am sure this will attract the casual, professional, yet sexy  woman out there! It sure attracted me!

*commercial attached below for your convenience*

Snuggie


Why I must have one: Honestly I already have one…BUT…I would not mind one more. Especially in that leopard print.  Perfect for date nights at home when my three way poncho is in the washer but I still want to look *SeXy YeT CasUaL*  (while being comfortable at the same time!). It can’t go wrong. It just can’t.

Well that was it folks. I feel so much better now. Stabile as a rock as one might say! If I just continue browsing As Seen On TV-products for about 10 minutes per day these coming weeks will fly by in no time! 

/Girl who write things (and also want the three way poncho, like NOW PLZ).

 

 

 

 

 

That Time I Missed My Boyfriend:

…and then he was gone.

Ok. That was a tiny bit dramatic. It is just for two months and I know I see him in a couple of weeks. But still, it truly feels like a small piece of my heart is missing.

It is always the same ordeal when we are away from each other for a longer period of time. I plan things that I can do during the time he is not there. Like cooking a chicken stew with yellow curry (he HATES it). Write for hours and listen to Taylor Swift (this is a thing I do, that exists, for real). Go thrift shopping without him saying “that pan is broken you know” or “this glass has mold in it” while I be like “BUUUUT BABE, ITS ONLY 10 SWEDISH KRONOR (=one euro)…..” and he be like “but iiiiitsssss moooold in it” and then I be like “ooookkkkkkkkk I will not buy it then”.

That is a lie. I did buy an electronic handmixer once, probably from the 70s. There were mold in it. Jacob questioned me to buy it. I bought it anyway (it was about 2 euros so obviously I did!). It worked fine until I dropped it to the floor and somehow all the mold from the 70s “got loose” or “escaped” so it kind of ended up in the whipped cream…and yeah….did not want to poison anybody so I obviously threw it away.

Ok. That is a lie too. I gave it back to the thrift shop………………..

……thats me……..

Anyways. The thing is, when you are loved completely for the human being that you are, there is always a place where you feel complete. I think I am extremely lucky to be able to have that kind of love with somebody. And maybe that is why I feel like a piece of my heart is missing. Because even though I mostly have good days. I really, really do. Like 98 days out of 100 days. Even though I am completely fine by myself. Even though I have so many fun things planned. Even though I am so much more than his girlfriend, there are days where I am not happy nor complete.

…and in his presence, even if I do not feel complete to myself,  I will always feel complete  to him.

I love you Jacob. And I promise I will not go to the thrift shop to buy things with mold in it.

Kidding. I probably will. Did not kid about the “I love you”-part though. Still serious about that.

/Girl who write things

 

 

That Time I was 28 Years Old and Moved Back Home!

Hi! I’m back after two WHOLE days. 

During those two days I’ve been able to move A LOT of my things from Umeå to Örebro. From the north to the south. About 700 km. 

How it was? Time consuming.

But wait, there’s more!

….BECAUSE I MOVED BACK TO MY PARENTS HOUSE AS ANY MATURE 28 YEAR OLD WOULD DO!!!!!

The last time I moved back home was five years ago. I moved back from Dublin to Sweden. Cried the whole way from the airport to my town. Not because what I was moving to, rather what I was moving from. But still…..it was….preeettyyyy…rough. 

To be honest I am quiet impressed with that cry. It was two solid hours of constant crying. I am a good crier but still, two solid hours. No break. 

Something to add here. That summer I also watched about seven whole seasons of “Brothers and Sisters” (google it, basically a drama about a family consisting of many brothers and sisters, hence its name). Also impressed with that achievement. The summer of 2011, what a great time it was!

Anyhow. I am in a much more positive mood now because I got a job and an apartment (=not staying at my parents home forever) and my boyfriend is coming with me! At the same time one must list the positive things with living with my parents entail. Because there are some perks one cannot ignore. 

…so…here we go…

1 . I love my parents. So thats nice. Also they love me. Which also is nice. 

2 . My mom has Pokemon Go = I have someone to play Pokemon with.

3 . I can borrow my moms clothes. Seriously, my mom is *CoOl*. 

4 . Free food! Don’t need give a further explanation about that. 

5 . Free car-service. This could be since my parents get *NeRvOuS* when I drive their car…HOWEVER…I see it as having my own limousine service. Which honestly is preeettyyy cool. Its almost like I am an Kardashian or somethin’!

6 . Free alcohol. Ok, its not like I’m swimming in alcohol, but still, there is always the old vodka-water trick. That is, taking a liiiiiitttleeeee bit of vodka, adding water and pray that your parents won’t find out. It worked when I was 15 and it should work now! 

7 . I GET TO SEE MY FRIENDS ALOT MOR OFTEN!!!!💕💕💕💕

I think that was it. Live life to the fullest. Be positive. 

Or don’t and cry for two solid hours in a car. 

Thats cool too.

/Girl who write things

That Time I Had Another Baby!

Hello you guys!

SOOOOOOOOOOOO…yesterday was….spontaneous…..

I’ve been thinking of starting an English blog for quiet some time now but never got around doing it. You know, I didn’t want to leave my baby aka. my Swedish blog….but…I got super inspired yesterday. English words were traveling around in my brain at 60 mph and somehow I was able to put these words into full sentences while starting a new blog.

….AND HERE I AM! A MOTHER OF TWO!!!!! ❤

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Basically me thinking of my two babies, aka. blogs.

I feel ready as well. I mean I’m 28 years old. People in my age have, you know, real human babies, so its nice to have something close to that. When my friends tells me things like “omg….baby number twoooo kept me up all night”, I can be like “I TOTALLY GET IT! I spent the WHOLE night looking for memes for my second blog…it was suuuuper exhausting…..”.

Basically, it can’t go wrong really.

However, I’m not going to lie, I was a bit worried at first. I mean, people who get more real-human-babies usually says things like “two??!!! More like 15”. Though, I’m not sure if getting two blog-babies is the exact same thing as getting two human babies. I’ll keep you posted about that.

Anyways, over to some useful information. Since I have two babies (blogs) I feel like I need to get some structure so I do not confuse anybody. I don’t want to lure non-swedish-speaking-readers to my Swedish blog and the other way around.

….SOOOOOOOO…if you see me post things on Facebook in Swedish then its Swedish gibberish BUT if you see me post things like; “MYYYYY SECOND ENGLISH BLOGPOST” or “MYYYYYYYYYYY THIRD BLOGPOST!!!!” then its my English blog….or if you see me writing in English when posting it, then its my English blog. Basically, when I write “EEEEENGLIIISHH BLOOOG “in capital letters or when there is no sign of any other language than the English language – then you can be sure that you are not lured into some weird Swedish blog-thingy. Its very straight forward to be honest.

Okidoki. So I think I covered everything.

Oh, wait, before I forget, thank you so much for visiting my blog yesterday! I love doing this! Its the love of my life (after my cats and my boyfriend). Also – it makes my life happier and more sparkly!

*bye*

/Girl who write things

 

 

Times When Feminists Eat Manflesh – a documentation:

Hi!

Today, while scrolling through Facebook, I stumbled upon this beautiful piece of art:

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After watching this video I noticed that this video depicts feminist gatherings as som kind manflesh-eating-fest, like all the time.

…THAT IS NOT TRUE! Actually we only eat manflesh a few times a year…..and for your information I have listed those times for you:

1 . During periods. 

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You know how it is. Your uterus is cramping. Hormon levels are rising exponentially. Manflesh is the only way to go. I know media out there gives a picture of feminists all over the world craving chocolate. That is wrong. We actually crave manflesh. However, sometimes we like to *sPiCe ThiNgs Up* with a little chocolate fondue on the side!

2 . During a 0.9999 full moon.

Some people might not believe that there are such things as a 0.9999 full moon, however I beg to differ. Haven’t you seen a moon that looks almost completely round? You know, not completely round but aaaalmoooooost. Thats a 0.9999 full moon. As a feminist I can assure you that really, we wanted to have our manflesh-eating-fests on a full moon, HOWEVER, this time of the month is more or less dedicated to werewolves (I blame the patriarchy) so therefore we had to go with the next best thing.

Some might say that “us feminists “are difficult to work with etc. However, the fact that we changed our manflesh-eating-fests to a 0.9999 full moon shows that we are flexible.

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A figurative picture showing how flexible feminists truly are. 

3 . As soon as Kanye West writes a new song. 

This is a fairly new manflesh-eating-event.  However, nothing makes us want manflesh more than hearing “I made that bitch famous” over and over again. Especially after that #TaylorSwiftExposedParty.

As some people may know Kim Kardashian told the world, a few days ago, that she would not call herself a feminist.

………………….I guess we know why now………………………….

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Kim Kardashian thinking of all the times she would crave manflesh if she started identifying herself as a feminist. 

Well. Thats that. If you excuse me I have to do all my other feminist-thingys. You know being all for equal rights etc.

*bye*

/The girl who write things.

ps. this was a joke, I don’t eat manflesh. Hopefully everyone got it but want to avoid being sued among other things .ds.